My Proverbs 31 Woman

Earlier this month, a friend of mine posted a list on my pastor’s Facebook page. It wasn’t just any list: shopping, school supplies needed or invitees to a party. No, instead of changing one’s day, this list could, in fact, change ones life. This was because she was not looking for something she could buy; she was looking for someone she could love.

In response to my friends’ predicament, her pastor, who happens to be mine as well, responded: “Make me a list, and I’ll find you your man.’” My friend “laughed it off, partly out of embarrassment, and partly because, well frankly, I gave up on my list about fifteen years ago.”

Though I had sometimes thought about making such a list, instead of giving it the time of day that it needed, I would usually think about it as I tried to reach dreamland late at night. It wasn’t until after I read Kirsty’s list that I took it seriously. So, right after lunch one Saturday afternoon, I sat down at my computer and thought about the attributes my Proverbs 31 woman should have.

1) She must love Jesus. She must challenge me in my relationship with Him and be willing to be challenged in hers.
2) She must be a pray-er. Both of us want to grow closer to each other, but if we both grow closer to God, a closer relationship between us will soon follow.

3) She must think I’m the coolest person she’s ever met and not feel bashful about it.
4) She needs to be someone who doesn’t need me, but wants me more than anything.
5) She doesn’t need to be a sports fan, but she needs to humour my interest.
6) She needs to laugh at my attempt at being funny and be my reason to smile.

7) She must be able to care for herself on her own so we can care for each other together.

8) On that note, she needs to want to be cared for, and be patient with me as I learn how.
9) She could be a giver (generous) but she needs to be a forgiver.
10) She enjoys physical contact. Not aggression, just good, long hugs, holding hands etc.
11) She needs to be open with herself i.e. be willing to give what she sees I need and be willing to receive the things I have to give.

12) She must not be a controller. Instead, she must be willing to give and take.
13) She must put my needs and the needs of our family first and help me to do the same.
14) We need to accept and slowly enjoy the differences between our families. Then we would look forward to visiting the in-laws rather than simply tolerating them.
15) Though my creative side comes out when I get excited about someone, she needs to be the creative queen. This is because . . .

16) Though monetary gifts are nice, I prefer gifts that have a lot of thought put into them.

17) She needs to enjoy music and my attempts to play it. If she can play an instrument, that’s even better!

18) Her dwelling must be clean enough to be healthy and cluttered enough to be homey, and help me to do the same.

19) She must be ambitious and passionate. This means that she has dreams and pushes the envelope to make them happen.
20) She will be a “yes, let’s try it!” kind of woman. She may show anxiety about new things, but is willing to try them anyway.
21) She has to be able to challenge me, and gently tell me when I’m wrong.
22) Though I might say this word more often, when she messes up, she has to be able to say “Sorry” and mean it.
23) She has to be good tempered, have an even keel and teach me how to react when things are not.
24) Though I may have a few ideas, I need her to show me how I can be her best man.
25) She has to know everything about and accept my past, loving me not in spite of my weaknesses, but because of them.
26) She has to be able to say “No,” even when she doesn’t want to, because she has my best interest at heart.

27) She needs to be patient, because these things need to be learned slowly.

A list like this might look kind of odd on a blog which is supposed to be about enhancing one’s relationship with God. But over the years, though they are not exact, I have learned that the desires we have in a mate are similar to the desires we have for God.

• What are your expectations in a mate?
• How can God meet these expectations?

From Zero to Hero

Several years ago, I was introduced to one of the simplest of silent prayers I have ever heard. When we breathe in, we were encouraged to pray “Father” and on the exhale to say, “I belong to You.” The teacher (Brennan Manning) said that seven is the ideal number of syllables in one breathing cycle. Therefore, if we decide to pray this way, we can “pray continually.” (1 Thes. 5:17)

If she was not praying this prayer, I imagine the Syro-Phoenician woman (Mark 7:24-30) was praying something very similar. She may have been praying “in You, I have all things” or “my soul rests in You alone” (Psalm 62:1) as her actions showed a sense of desperation. It was with that kind of drive that this Zero-Phoenician woman recognized that though she had nothing in herself, what she needed was available to her if she only asked for it.

However, moments after she asked, Christ criticised her harshly, calling her, a gentile who was plainly inferior to the Jews, a dog (v27). Instead of being overwhelmed with sorrow or surprise, she knew that behind this criticism was a loving and healing touch, and she was humble enough to receive the criticism so she could get what she believed would soon follow.

Therefore, in spite of Christ’s comments, she played His game and responded boldly, “even the dogs under the table eat the children’s crumbs.” (v28) Her attempts to clamber for Christ’s attention clearly show how desperate she was to receive anything that might come from Him, even the crumbs.

When I was a child at camp, I remember trying to Limbo underneath a stick without touching it. All this time, my friends, who patiently awaited their turns chanted ‘How low can you go?’ This woman had gone lower than anyone expected and Christ therefore rewarded her by granting her request. It was with her persistence, humility and quick wit that this Zero-Phoenician came trembling, and left rejoicing because her status had been permanently changed.

• When was the last time you prayed like this?

• What difference would it make to you if your status permanently changed?

A Different kind of White Cane

John 9 is known for a miracle Jesus performs when He heals a man born blind. It proves again that He truly is God incarnate. This passage is also an ideal example of spiritual direction. Here, Christ is the director, the disciples are the directees, and the blind man is not Christ’s focus here, but rather someone He simply uses to teach his disciples a lesson.

The spiritual direction portion of John 9 is in verses 1-5.

¹As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. ² His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?”

³ “Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him. 4 As long as it is day, we must do the works of him who sent me. Night is coming, when no one can work. ⁵ While I am in the world, I am the light of the world.”

When they saw the man on the side of the road, the disciples quickly decided that they knew what the blind man’s problem was. Many people who come for spiritual direction believe that they know what the problem is. If they only help the director diagnose it, the problem should be solved.

The dah-ciples are like this. Though they think they know the problem, they don’t. They are students after all. Instead of ridiculing the blind man or his parents for their sins, Christ turns the tables and tells his students, “Stop pointing fingers! Nobody did anything wrong! This happened so the power of God could be seen in him.” (Verse 3)

As He often is with his students, Jesus was probably more then a little bit disappointed with their “lack of faith.” They were not doing their job. Instead of asking petty questions like these, their job was to carry out the tasks assigned to them by the one who sent their Teacher into this world. In the next verse, Jesus says, the night is coming when work ceases. While, I am here, I am the light you should live by.  In other words, “Stop dilly-dallying, do this work quickly, and start now, because I won’t be here for long!”

As a spiritual director, Jesus might say, ‘before our next session, I would encourage you to start doing the work of God as you .have seen me do it.” And they returned for their next session, rejoicing because “Lord, even the demons submit to us in your name.” (Luke 10:17)

In John 9:39-40 Jesus said, "I have come into this world so that the blind will see and those who [think they can] see will become blind." Some Pharisees heard him say this and asked, "What? Are we blind too?" The Pharisees and the disciples had the same problem. They were both spiritually blind. Once directees learn that they are “blind too” Jesus’ shows directors how to walk with them in their desire to understand more about Him.

Here, Jesus takes the initiative and finds the man, who has just received his sight, and asks him, “Do you believe in the Son of Man?” (9:35) He had probably heard the crowds talk about Jesus before, but had not yet seen Him. “Who is he, sir? I want to believe in him.”

“I am him,” Jesus said.

“Yes, Lord, I believe!” And he worshiped Jesus.

Like many people, this man had a “seeing is believing” type of faith, but it had taken forty years for him to truly exercise it.

A spiritual director’s response to the question of “why” needs to be something like Christ’s, focused beyond the immediate situation. Maybe God wanted to teach the man a lesson. As many teachers in Jesus day thought, maybe God was paying the man back for some unbeknownst sin. Or, as Jesus said, maybe it was what God intended. If your challenge is something God desires, not to pay you back, but to make you more like Him, how would that make you feel?

The Goodness of Gossip

Gossiping is natural. Just as a baby learns to talk by babbling, the building blocks of thoughtful and trustworthy discussions between adults are installed when we are children. At this pliable age, we have an unquenchable search for knowledge so we can tell others about our own, and others’ discoveries.

According to Dr Annie Crookes, head of Psychology at Heriot-Watt University’s Dubai Campus, there is a lot of goodness in gossip. For instance, “the act of gossiping may be similar to that of ‘grooming’ seen in primate species in that it consolidates group cohesion, facilitates networking and manages reputations.”

We all know that conversations which start with, ‘I don’t like to spread rumours but…’ or ‘you didn’t get this from me but…’ can create something that grows and could become hurtful. However, if we stopped gossiping to each other, even to ourselves because it creates anxiety, and started gossiping to and about God, the good that could result is simply awesome.

In Matthew 6:3, Jesus says: “do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing,” Though He was talking about giving to the needy; this piece of advice could easily be applied to gossiping. When I tell my right hand something my left hand doesn’t know, this knowledge needs to travel through my heart first before it gets to the other hand. When I was a child, I believed that God lived in my heart. Therefore, one hand can know and the One who lives in the heart can know, but no one else. If both hands know, then action can be taken that could be damaging.

Over the years, we learn that gossip can and does hurt more often than it heals. However, I have learned that the best type of gossip is Gossiping God. Weather we talk about the negative or the positive acts that God is or has done in our lives, gossiping about Him is the best type of tattle tailing we can do. To learn more about gossiping God, feel free to contact me.

I promise, I won’t tell anybody.

Giving our Taxes

If you click here, you will be taken to a YouTube video I received the other day from a choir colleague. I imagine his intent was to convert me, and I would become angry about the high taxes we are all forced to pay. Maybe I would join a riot against the government which would open news casts across Canada. However, this is already happening in Greece, Montreal and elsewhere. According to inventor and activist Ben Franklin, “nothing can be said to be certain except death and taxes.” But I wonder, rather than playing the role of the helpless victim, if we ‘gave’ our taxes as we give gifts, paying our taxes might not feel so deadly.

After watching this video, a blog post entitled WWJD? arrived in my mailbox. The blog can be found at http://theducklows.ca/wwjd/. Reading this post changed my perspective. Jesus created a whip and overturned tables in Matthew 21. But if he wasn’t going to lead a riot, He would do something creative and miraculous like catch a fish with a coin in its mouth to pay the tax (Matt. 17:27). In this video, this young Canadian uses Matthew 21 as an example of how Jesus was angry about over taxation, greed and gluttony by a select few.

This blog is certainly not letting the Canadian government off the hook, what they are doing is certainly more than a little bit over the top. But after watching the video, my question was: ‘if all the government wants is our money, let them take it. It’s just money after all. There is a lot more to Canada than that.’ In the following chapter, Jesus continues: “Give to Caesar what is Caesar’s …” (Matthew 22:21). Though this is a difficult task, Jesus’ (and our) focus must be on the second half of this verse “… and give to God what is God’s.”

In the classic story Les Miserables, Victor-hugo writes about convicted criminal Jean Valjean, who is taken in by the Bishop of Digne just after he is released from prison. He spends one night there, using the Bishop’s compassion to satisfy his immediate needs. Believing that he is, and always will be, a criminal, Valjean robs the Bishop, leaving the cleric wounded, while he flees into the night. When he is caught by local police, the pathetic Valjean is dragged before the Bishop. The police are certain that the Bishop will identify him as the accused, and he would immediately be sent back to prison. But the bishop refuses to grant their request. Instead, he replies that all of the things Valjean stole were gifts he intended on giving him. He ends by saying “You forgot to take the silver candlesticks.”

If we have the same willingness to give as we do to receive, and view payments as a chance to give rather than pay a debt which we may or may not agree with. In other words, if we are generous, we will not worry about people taking money from us, let alone our government who has made Canada the envy of the world. Then our anxiety levels might just lessen and our perspective of politics and the wellbeing of our country, not just our small circle of friends, might just increase. Instead of viewing taxes as someone taking money from us, Jesus asks us to surprise them with our generosity. If we did, it might just make the nightly news!

Giving our Taxes

Who is leading?

How do you feel about being led? I imagine this has a lot to do with who the leader is. We would likely prefer to be the leader, the responsible one, the one who is in charge of our own destiny. Jesus once told us, “when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go.” (John 21:18).

If we are used to being in charge, no matter our age, the feeling of being led may be an uncomfortable one. But if we have lived a life of stress, this idea may look refreshing.

I invite you to spend a few quiet moments with this painting by the Chinese artist He Qi. It is a depiction of Jesus walking with the two disciples on the road to Emmaus (Luke 24). What would it be like if Jesus was the One doing the leading? Would you be willing to walk at His pace?

On May 27^th (40 days after Easter) Christians will celebrate Pentecost, the day when Christ’s Spirit arrived on this earth and indwelt those who desire Him. Since then His Spirit has lead us in amazing ways. I am one of those people, and would be delighted to meet with you so we may learn “the unforced rhythms of grace.” Where might He lead you next?

"Lord Jesus Crucified"

Today is the beginning of Holy Week. Soon we will celebrate the death of our Lord Jesus Christ, looking forward with anticipation to Resurrection Sunday morning.

As I think about Christ’s last week before the cross, Fr. Richard Roar’s prayer, found in his lecture series “On Transformation”, has become quite poignant and revealing to me.

I would encourage you to pour yourself a cup of tea, sit down and read this slowly and thoughtfully. May it draw you, just a little bit closer, into the wonder of Christ and His Passion, which we celebrate this week.

The crucified Jesus speaking:

My people, I am yourself,

I am your beauty,

I am your goodness,

which you are destroying.

I am what you do to what you should love.

I am what you are afraid of;

your deepest, and your best and most naked self, your soul.

Your badness largely consists in what you do to goodness,

your own and others. And that is bad.

You are afraid of the Good, you are afraid of Me.

You kill what you should love; you hate what could transform you.

I am Jesus crucified. I am yourself, and I am all of human history.

Speaking to the crucified Christ:

Lord Jesus crucified,

You are my life, and you are also my death.

You are my beauty, you are my possibility.

You are my full self.

You are everything I want and you are everything I am afraid of.

You are everything I desire and you are everything I deny.

You are my outrageously ignored and neglected soul.

Lord Jesus, Your love is what I most fear.

I can’t let anybody love me for nothing.

Intimacy with You or anyone terrifies me.

I am beginning to see,

that I in my own body am an image of what is happening everywhere,

and I want it to stop here today.

I want to stop the violence toward myself,

toward the world,

toward You, crucified Lord.

I don’t need, ever again, to create any victims.

You alone, Lord Jesus, You refuse to be crucifier,

even at the cost of being crucified.

And You never ask for sympathy.

You never play the victim.

You never ask for vengeance.

But you only breathe forgiveness.

We, we in this fearful earth,

The rest of us, we murder, we mistrust, we attack.

Now I see that it is not You that humanity hates.

We hate ourselves, but mistakenly kill you.

I must stop crucifying your blessed flesh

on this earth and in my brothers and sisters.

Now I see that You live in me and I live in You.

You are inviting me out of this endless cycle of allusion

and violence.

You are Jesus crucified.

You are saving me.

In your perfect Godly love,

you have chosen to enter into union with me.

I thank You Lord Jesus for becoming a human being.

so I don’t have to pretend or try to be a god.

I thank You Lord Jesus for becoming finite and limited,

so I don’t have to pretend that I am infinite and limitless.

I thank You crucified God for becoming mortal,

so I don’t have to make myself immortal.

I thank You Lord Jesus for becoming inferior,

so I do not have to pretend that I am superior to anyone.

I thank You for being crucified outside the walls,

for being expelled and excluded like the sinners,

so I don’t have to be a saint.

I thank You for becoming week,

so I don’t have to be strong.

I thank You for being willing, to being considered imperfect and strange,

so I do not have to be perfect and normal.

I thank You Lord Jesus for being willing to be disapproved,

so I do not have to try so hard to be approved and liked.

I thank You for being considered a failure,

so I don’t have to give my life trying to pretend I am a success.

I thank You for being wrong by the standards of religion and state,

so I don’t have to be right anywhere.

I thank You for being poor in every way,

so I don’t have to be rich in any way.

I thank You Lord Jesus for being all of the things that humanity despises and fears,

so I can love myself and others in You.

So I can love in You, who by Your humanity have identified Yourself with me,

at that very point where I most hate myself.

Crucified Jesus, I thank you for becoming a human being.

I want to love You. I need to love You.

Lord Jesus crucified,

You and I,

We are the same!