"Lord Jesus Crucified"

Today is the beginning of Holy Week. Soon we will celebrate the death of our Lord Jesus Christ, looking forward with anticipation to Resurrection Sunday morning.

As I think about Christ’s last week before the cross, Fr. Richard Roar’s prayer, found in his lecture series “On Transformation”, has become quite poignant and revealing to me.

I would encourage you to pour yourself a cup of tea, sit down and read this slowly and thoughtfully. May it draw you, just a little bit closer, into the wonder of Christ and His Passion, which we celebrate this week.

The crucified Jesus speaking:

My people, I am yourself,

I am your beauty,

I am your goodness,

which you are destroying.

I am what you do to what you should love.

I am what you are afraid of;

your deepest, and your best and most naked self, your soul.

Your badness largely consists in what you do to goodness,

your own and others. And that is bad.

You are afraid of the Good, you are afraid of Me.

You kill what you should love; you hate what could transform you.

I am Jesus crucified. I am yourself, and I am all of human history.

Speaking to the crucified Christ:

Lord Jesus crucified,

You are my life, and you are also my death.

You are my beauty, you are my possibility.

You are my full self.

You are everything I want and you are everything I am afraid of.

You are everything I desire and you are everything I deny.

You are my outrageously ignored and neglected soul.

Lord Jesus, Your love is what I most fear.

I can’t let anybody love me for nothing.

Intimacy with You or anyone terrifies me.

I am beginning to see,

that I in my own body am an image of what is happening everywhere,

and I want it to stop here today.

I want to stop the violence toward myself,

toward the world,

toward You, crucified Lord.

I don’t need, ever again, to create any victims.

You alone, Lord Jesus, You refuse to be crucifier,

even at the cost of being crucified.

And You never ask for sympathy.

You never play the victim.

You never ask for vengeance.

But you only breathe forgiveness.

We, we in this fearful earth,

The rest of us, we murder, we mistrust, we attack.

Now I see that it is not You that humanity hates.

We hate ourselves, but mistakenly kill you.

I must stop crucifying your blessed flesh

on this earth and in my brothers and sisters.

Now I see that You live in me and I live in You.

You are inviting me out of this endless cycle of allusion

and violence.

You are Jesus crucified.

You are saving me.

In your perfect Godly love,

you have chosen to enter into union with me.

I thank You Lord Jesus for becoming a human being.

so I don’t have to pretend or try to be a god.

I thank You Lord Jesus for becoming finite and limited,

so I don’t have to pretend that I am infinite and limitless.

I thank You crucified God for becoming mortal,

so I don’t have to make myself immortal.

I thank You Lord Jesus for becoming inferior,

so I do not have to pretend that I am superior to anyone.

I thank You for being crucified outside the walls,

for being expelled and excluded like the sinners,

so I don’t have to be a saint.

I thank You for becoming week,

so I don’t have to be strong.

I thank You for being willing, to being considered imperfect and strange,

so I do not have to be perfect and normal.

I thank You Lord Jesus for being willing to be disapproved,

so I do not have to try so hard to be approved and liked.

I thank You for being considered a failure,

so I don’t have to give my life trying to pretend I am a success.

I thank You for being wrong by the standards of religion and state,

so I don’t have to be right anywhere.

I thank You for being poor in every way,

so I don’t have to be rich in any way.

I thank You Lord Jesus for being all of the things that humanity despises and fears,

so I can love myself and others in You.

So I can love in You, who by Your humanity have identified Yourself with me,

at that very point where I most hate myself.

Crucified Jesus, I thank you for becoming a human being.

I want to love You. I need to love You.

Lord Jesus crucified,

You and I,

We are the same!

Booted from the Banquet

Jesus’ story of the great feast (Matthew 22:1-14) is confusing, and I have not heard many pastors or bible study leaders attempt to dissect its meaning. In it, God boots someone from the banquet without any apparent reason. But is this act all God’s fault? Or is this just another story that proves to spiritual skeptics that the Christian God is a bully? A paraphrase of this passage might help.
Jesus was a man of many words and many stories. In one of them He said, “Heaven, where God is, is like a wedding banquet the Father prepared to honor His Son. When everything was ready, He sent His servants to give the invited guests the O.K. sign that they could finally come. But each of them declined.
“But because persistence often pays off, the King sent more servants: ‘The best of the best has been prepared for you, and it is ready to be eaten. All that is needed is your presence.’ But the King’s perseverance didn’t work as each of them turned their attention to their own busy-ness. Others didn’t just ignore the messengers, but killed them instead.
“The King was furious and mobilized his army to destroy their town. Then to His servants He said, ‘Everything is ready, but those I had invited weren’t worthy to receive this honor, so go to the street corners, the back allies and find people who are. Get the dumpster divers, the hookers hooked on Heroine and the crack-addicts. Get the prostitutes, pan-handlers and pot puffers and bring them in. Whomever you find is welcome, but each seat must be filled.’
“But after the hall was full and the King arrived to address them, He noticed that one of them wasn’t prepared to be there. ‘Friend,’ he asked, ‘why aren’t you ready to receive this honor.’ The man was speechless because a servant had just invited him a few minutes before and he was hungry. To these servants, the King demanded: ‘Get him out of my sight! Throw him as far from here as you can, then still further where he will be sorry for what he has done. For many are invited, but few are actually prepared for it.’”
The obvious question here is what did the man do? or what didn’t the man do? In the paraphrase it says that he wasn’t prepared. How do you get prepared for a banquet? Yes, there are external things that we may hope to do to be ready for surprises like this. But surprises are hard to prepare for. The NIV says that he wasn’t wearing the right “wedding clothes”. But I can’t imagine that if a street person was invited to a banquet, he would come wearing the right clothes. However, he must come with the right spirit, one of thankfulness and gratitude.
In a couple of weeks, my church (CapChurch) will be sending its 6th team to Bufukhula Uganda. Over the past months they have been preparing themselves physically by getting their shots, raising money and packing their bags. They have also been meeting regularly with each other and alone with their King to talk about getting their hearts ready for what they are about to do. They are ready!
But I would argue that though the man in the parable had a stomach that was more than ready to receive whatever came his way, something in his heart wasn’t. Years of eating scraps and begging had hardened his heart to the point that though the King knew that he needed what He had to offer, he was not able to receive what the King so desperately wanted to give.
One person who proved his preparedness was the American pastor A.W. Tozer. In his book “Pursuit of God” he prays:
‘Oh God, be exalted over my possessions. Nothing on earth will be dear to me if you are not glorified in my life. Be exalted over my friendships. I am determined that you will be above all, even if I must stand all alone in the middle of the earth. Be exalted above my comforts, though it may mean the loss of bodily comforts and the carrying of heavy loads. I will keep my vow made today before you. Be exalted over my reputation. Make me ambitious to please you, even if as a result I must be ignored and my name is forgotten as a dream. Instead, arise oh Lord into your proper place of honor, above my ambitions, above my likes and dislikes, above my family, my health and even my life itself. Let me sink so that you may rise above. Ride on me just as you rode into Jerusalem on a humble donkey, and let me hear the children cry to you; ‘Hosanna in the highest!’ Amen!’

Can Generosity make ends meet?

When I think about generosity, a word which dictionary.com defines as “freedom from meanness or smallness of mind or character,” I have a picture of an open hand in my mind. Anyone can take out of that open hand, and anyone can give to it, but nobody, accept the owner of the hand, can close it. If it is closed, nobody can take anything from it, but no one can give to it either.
Journalist, social activist and founder of the Catholic Worker movement Dorothy Day said that the principle of generosity always works. In the words of St. John of the Cross, she writes:
“If we are rushed for time, sow time and we will reap time. Go to church and spend a quiet hour in prayer. You will have more time than ever and your work will get done. Sow time with the poor. Sit and listen to them, give them your time lavishly. You will reap time a hundredfold. Sow kindness and you will reap kindness. Sow love, you will reap love. Where there is no love, if you put love, you will take out love.” (Day)
Hearing stories of people receiving answers to prayer, or even receiving what they did not pray for, have encouraged me to pray dangerously. Some time ago, and several times since then, I prayed, “God, if there is something that I have that I should not have, take it. If I covet certain things more than you, take them. If I am filling myself up with junk, empty me.” I am not sure if this prayer was a true one because of the presence of the conditional word “if.” But the Lord listened to it nonetheless and has answered it.
Since I prayed that prayer last summer, I have moved into a basement suite with no cable, so I am not able to fill my mind and heart with all that the media gives as often as I may want to. I had moved in to join my friend, who lived in a suite where the rent was higher than where I had been staying before. In addition, my principal at work would cut my hours in half when I returned to school a month later, forcing me to rely on the grace, compassion and generosity of others to make ends meet.
Soon after going back to school, I miss-placed my wallet and, for a little while, was resolved to the fact that I would not be able to satisfy myself in certain ways until I found it. Though I found it a week later, I have now tried to make it a practice to keep my spending to a minimum and, as my roommate and I recently practiced praying for our daily routine, I hope to continue to pray for my daily spending so that generosity may be the result.
Can Generosity make ends meet? Well, I’m banking on it!

Standing at Attention

Before Jesus was nailed to a cross on Skull Hill, he was offered wine mixed with gall, a mild painkiller. However, he refused their generosity because He knew that several weeping disciples of his would need His undivided attention over the next several hours.
In Luke 23:27-29, the author tells us of a Christ who comforts when He should be comforted. Several women were following the Christ-turned-criminal, up Skull hill, weeping bitterly. “But Jesus turned and said to them, ‘Daughters of Jerusalem, don’t weep for me, but weep for yourselves and for your children’” (v 28). Christ was never someone to feel sorry for Himself. Even now, when His fate was signed, sealed, and delivered, He encouraged the women to weep for themselves and the hard futures they would walk into, rather than for Him, who was walking in, one-step by painful step, into glory.
Luke 23:34 tells us that Jesus forgives His captors as he is hanging from the cross and the high priests laugh as they gamble for his tunic. “Father, forgive them . . . ” I could imagine that this is the first line to one of Jesus world famous parables, often labeled at people like the ones several meters away. I could imagine that instead of being taught the ultimate lesson, which was the point of crucifixion, that Christ would turn the tables on them yet again “. . . for they don’t have a clue what is going on.”
In Luke 23:43, Jesus expands the boundaries of grace even more by welcoming a renowned criminal to join Him in the last place he would expect to be. What these criminals were hanging for is debatable. But it was probably theft, murder or both. This man truly knew that Jesus was his last and only hope of doing anything good with his life. He was an impoverished man who spent his last dime on his last hope and hit the jackpot, for “I assure you, today you will be with me in paradise.”
The next, but probably not the last, words Jesus utters from the cross are recorded in John 19:26-27. Here, He provides a way for His mother to continue to be cared for when He could not be the person to do so. Though His ministry was probably funded by several well-to-do women, Christ’s mother was probably not one of them. As it was the responsibility of the oldest son to provide a home for his aging mother after her husband died, Mary may not have been grieving for her Son. Rather, she may have been wondering what would happen to her when Joseph, who was probably nearing the age of retirement, finally passed on. “And from then on this disciple took her into his home.”
From the cross, Christ said many things. He comforted the weeping women, forgave the unforgivable, welcomed the criminal, and arranged a home for his mother. Even as He died, His words provided life for His hearers. How would the dying Christ provide life for you?

On Good Friday, we remember the Man who healed us by His scars.
On Good Friday we remember the Christ, who sacrificed His life so that we might gain ours.
On Good Friday, we remember the Redeemer who forgave, so that we might forgive.
On Good Friday, we remember the Word of Life who gave so we might receive.

Jesus, Judas and the Show-People

Who do you follow? There have been many great leaders and well known personalities who have accumulated admirers for one reason or another. They could be political leaders who receive votes, talented sports icons, activists who strive towards an admirable goal, or even your neighbor, who works hard everyday to support his family.
The gospels at the beginning of the New Testament give many examples of the leadership qualities another man possessed.
The New Testament book of Mark gives several examples of the qualities of Jesus Christ, who was in charge of every situation that involved him, even if it had not happened yet. For those disciples who had their eyes on Him, the immeasurable joy they felt while they watched their Teacher work his wonders was inevitably nothing short of awesome. But those who were not looking in the same direction as their Rabbi, instead focusing on their own frail hopes and desires, missed out.
In Mark 14, Jesus and His disciples were walking toward Jerusalem. They asked Him, “As everybody knows, Passover is coming up. Where would you like to eat it this year?”
Jesus said, “Go on ahead of us into the city. As you enter, follow a man carrying a jar of water on his head. Say to the owner of the house he enters, “The Teacher will be here in a few minutes and is wondering: ‘Where is the guest room I can enjoy the Passover meal with my disciples?” He will lead you upstairs, to a large furnished room. Make the rest of the preparations there.” So, off they went into the city, finding everything just as Jesus had said.
For the two disciples who received Jesus’ instructions and accepted the responsibility of preparing the Passover meal, Jesus’ words had simply amazed them. As the other disciples entered the room several hours later, they also must have been surprised that Jesus had known about this place, as they had not been there before. “How did He know it was furnished?” they may have wondered, “he couldn’t have looked through the windows, it’s on the second floor.” As eleven of the disciples were yet again enthralled about yet another amazing act that Jesus had performed, Judas’ mind was in a different place, desiring to follow a different spirit than Jesus’.
As the twelve disciples sat, eating, talking, and enjoying the bread and wine the servant girls had brought, Jesus dropped a bombshell, stating a much unfortunate fact. “One of you, yes you, who have loved me for three years, will betray me.”
At this, all of the disciples objected individually and collectively. Peter said, “How can you have the gall to say something like that. We’ve been faithful for the long hall. What makes you think we will stop now?” Others agreed, “No, not a chance. You were able to predict the place where we would eat this meal, but surely you can’t predict that one of us would do something like that, can you?”
Judas was not arguing; he was barely listening. He had just arrived back from a top secret meeting with some fairly important people who had offered him money if he would do just that, relinquish his allegiance to his Teacher. This would allow his archrivals, the dreaded show-people, to do what they wanted with Him. Though he had enjoyed the last three years with Jesus, seeing some pretty fantastic miracles, watching his teacher walk on water, and even receive some free meals, it was now time to get something he really wanted, cold, hard cash, and the show-people were willing to give it. His desire for money, in exchange for his cooperation was just too tempting to turn down. It did not matter how he got it, he just needed money.
When I am told that I will receive money for doing some particular act, I feel better about doing it. And Judas was undoubtedly encouraged that the show-people, the most important people in his day, were willing to pay him for any particular task. I am sure that Judas had dollar signs in his pupils as he thought about the possibilities. “These guys are the most influential people in the world. They are surely very rich, and if I hand my teacher over to them, which is a very simple thing to do, I’ll get rich too! It doesn’t matter that he has said it would be better for the person who betrays him, to have never been born (Matt 26:24, Mark 14:21, Luke 22:22). At least I’ll die with the most riches, and the man with the most wins! Now I know why I wanted to follow this guy three years ago. The wait is finally paying off!”
What does it mean to betray someone? And what will happen as a result?
The dictionary says that to betray somebody means to be unfaithful in guarding, maintaining, or fulfilling a responsibility to that person. As it was his job to make sure that the finances of Jesus ministry were spent wisely, Judas was well practiced in this first form of betrayal, often helping himself to the collective moneybag, and may well have been the disciples’ first guess as to who may just betray their Lord and Teacher.
Judas too may well have known that what the show-people had asked him to do was wrong. However, the fact that they would give him more money, satisfying his’ greatest weakness, was enough for him to do anything they asked, so he accepted their low-ball offer of 30 pieces of silver. Bible commentator David Guzik has written that thirty pieces of silver was the lowest the religious leaders paid for any single action. Receiving only thirty pieces of silver told Judas “we think of you as nothing more than a slave.” But because of this promise of extra finances, no matter how little it was, he was willing to tell his master’s greatest enemies, Jesus greatest secret. Whether Judas felt ripped off by the Show-people or not, this second act of betrayal, delivering or exposing a person to an enemy by treachery or disloyalty will forever be linked with his name. Therefore, a few hours later, Judas watched in horror as these once respected people did something so unrespectable, using him as a simple tool to get their hands on a much bigger fish. The Show-people were surely some of the cheapest men this world has known, and Judas knew this fact first hand. ‘They were, after all, only there to show-up, to show others up, and to show-off.’
Though he was a disciple of Jesus, Judas’ eyes were often focused on other things. But if you read further, his heart would slowly change, soon despising the money he was given, throwing it back into the laps of the Show-people who gave it to him in the first place, hoping to buy Jesus life back again. But the show-people would not allow it. They had finally caught the big fish they had been looking for. Judas could only watch in horror as his Teacher and Lord was sentenced to death. Judas’ inability to cope under his own self-inflicted pressure showed when he soon ended his life, knowing he was the one responsible for ending the life of his Master.
You surely know some people like Judas, who take their eyes off Jesus. Maybe they keep their eyes off of him entirely, to indulge in the things of this world. You may even know some ‘show-people’ too, who rip other people off, asking for a lot but giving little in exchange. But instead of talking the talk, as these people did, Jesus walked the walk, doing the things His Heavenly Father did. Who will you follow?
Choosing to follow and trust Jesus could, at first, be like voting for the underdog, cheering for the player everybody thinks has the least talent, or the activist with the weirdest ideas. But if we take the biggest risk, we shall receive the greatest gain. If Jesus gives correct details like where to prepare a single meal, or predicts that a dear disciple of his will betray him, how much more should we listen to Him as he tells us the intricate instructions of our lives? If he is right about these instructions, how can we presume that his words about our lives might be wrong?

The Quiet Christ – Part 1

Salvation was the last thing on my mind. Day in and day out, the first and only things I thought about were to “kill or be killed, to plunder or be robbed, and revolt or submit, the forbidden ‘s’ word. My life was one of constant movement, running from the Pharisees, Sadducees (I prefer to call them the harass-ees) and the like. I was always the life of my angry, ranting ‘parties;’ always demanding revenge against Harod, Caesar, whoever, it didn’t matter to me. Nothing mattered to me, I didn’t matter to me!
Before I ended up here, in the filth and mire of death row, I was always running, yelling or both. Whether it was for my life or my death, I was not sure. Rioting in the day, when I could be seen, and robbing at night, my life had become what I did for a living, a riot. Peace, what is peace? It did not exist for me and I had no desire to find out if it could. Life wasn’t great, but it was what I had made it. And at least I wasn’t a tax collector, a leper or a woman; and there are lots of those. So, as I see it, I guess I was somewhere in the middle of Caesar’s hierarchy.
I’ve been here on death row for a week because of my latest rantings. Though they have put me away for a night and a day many times before, whether a few weeks for robbery, a few days for raising a ruckus downtown or a few hours for rape, I’ve always found my way out. Many friends of mine have received slaps on the wrist like these before, but I am the first to sleep here.
For a few days, I was proud of myself. “Matthias or Judas had never been here. If I would live to tell the story, they would be proud of me,” I thought. But I didn’t care. Instead of eating bread and wine I had stolen, locusts and drips of dirty water were now my regular diet. Sleeping in my own disgusting mess, on this cold, compacted slab of dirt in this pitch black dungeon was the pit I had dug for myself. I guess I better just lie in it.
It seemed like I had spent an eternity here before anyone yelled at me from the other side of the wall, until I recognized Matt’s voice, a friend whom I had robbed with on many occasions. The last time I heard from him, he had told me of someone who might just be my room mate.
Matt - Hey Rabby, are you in there?
Rabby – Yeah, wasting away as normal. I am getting used to the taste of locusts. Hey, can you throw me anything?
Matt – Just some day old bread, I’ll try to get it through your window, it’s pretty tiny though. Hey have you heard about this guy, Jesus?
Rabby – Oh, that guy. Lots of people are talking about him. I hear he’s gonna die with me soon. He’s just another criminal like me, another worthless, useless bag of scum with no reason to live. When he gets in here, heaven knows what I’ll do to him.
Matt – But he’s not quite like that. Yeah, he may be your room mate soon, but thousands of people follow him every day. I heard that he has healed people of leprosy, allowed the lame to walk, given sight back to the blind, raised the dead and even healed people from a distance!
As Matt continued to yell from the other side of the wall, I became intrigued as never before. Though Matt had finally thrown some bread through the window, I wasn’t hungry. I was too interested to eat. This man had been charged by the Harassees with a similar crime as mine and they hoped to given my sentence for doing the exact opposite of what I had done. Instead of robbing and murdering, this man had created more of what the people needed, like bread and wine and that sort of stuff. And instead of rioting, this man had offered peace. My attitude began to change.
Rabby – He has some kind of ‘in’ with people in high places, huh? Could he get any bread or wine in here? Gee, if my cell mate can do that, I wonder if he can pick these chains apart too.
Matt – Well apparently, he’s done it all. He’s quite a magician. I’ve heard that he’s walked on water, turned water into wine and he’s even fed the thousands who follow him with a shepherd boy’s lunch.
Rabby – Well, that will definitely keep them coming back for more.
Matt – But that’s just it. He says that we don’t have to come back for more bread or water. He says he is the manna and the well spring of life.
Rabby – If he can provide all that food, that’s quite a currier service he’s running.
Matt – And the clincher is the best part. All we need to do to get all this is believe.
Rabby – Believe what?
Matt – Believe that he is who he says he is.
Rabby – Well, who is he?
Matt – He says he’s the son of his father.
Rabby – Well, that makes sense, so am I.
Matt – But that’s why the Harassees want to kill him. He says his father is . . . Yahweh!
Rabby – Well, if he ever comes in here, I’ll ask him about it.
As Matt left and I slowly gnawed my way through the tough bread he had thrown through the window, I began to wonder. “Manna and wine of life . . . Healer, even from a distance. . . Son of Yahweh. . . Well, my life looks like it will end soon. He can’t give me what I really need because he’s out there and I’m in here. And even if he could give me life for a few days, it wouldn’t matter, because we will both be dead soon. But how can he give life anyway? He’s just like me, ‘the son of his father.’ He’s a nobody.

The Quiet Christ - Part 2

I will never forget the next night. As I heard another few hammer-whacks pounding nails into flesh and wood, and the agonizing cries that immediately followed, I began to see life, or rather death, from their point of view. It was just a matter of time when that would be me, and time was ticking. When I was free, I remember seeing their crosses on the roadside. It scares me half to death when I hear them groan.
It was now late Friday evening (at least I think it was Friday) and Jerusalem would soon celebrate the Passover. It would be my first Passover in prison. On most
evenings, people were in their homes getting ready for the coming meal, but tonight I could hear the faint murmur of a distant, angry mob shouting my name. My ears perked up. After a short hush, I heard the mob shout even louder, “Crucify Him, Crucify Him!” I guess tonight is my night to join those other criminals on the crosses outside, and my hope of having a new room mate, has run out.
But wait . . . the doors were opening . . . ‘who’s the new criminal?’ . . . But there was none. Just a couple of guards walking purposefully in my direction!
Guard – “Barabbas?”
Rabby – “Yeah, it’s my time isn’t it.”
Guard – “The crowds want you, so out with you.”
As they led me through the streets to the waiting crowd, protesting outside Pilate’s house, my knees shook and buckled as I expected the worst. But nothing came. This gruff form of mercy was something I had never felt before. Maybe I’ll get to see the city one last time before hanging from a cross.
But as I drew closer, I heard the crowd chanting joyfully, “Barabbas is free, and Jesus will die! Barabbas is free, and Jesus will die! Barabbas is free, and Jesus will die!”
Is this Jesus the same person Matt was talking about? The man who can heal from a distance?
As I looked up, I saw the man I thought was Jesus. Wearing a crown of thorns on his head, he had marks from his most recent scourging showing through the purple garment he was wearing, down to his bare feet. He was being led away by several guards who took turns mocking him, hitting him with their staffs on his thorny crown, chanting “hail, king of the Jews!” And this ‘king of the Jews’ would die instead of me? This didn’t make sense. Night time is usually the best time to rob people, but I would set my job aside for one night to watch this fascinating plot unfold.
Pilate decided that the crucifixion would take place on scull hill, a place where I had been many times to say my last good byes to some of my closest friends. And if I had time, I would have asked Judas and Matt to come along with me. But who knows, maybe they were in the crowd.
It took a good hour to make it to the top as Jesus, whom they referred to as ‘the Christ turned criminal’, who was carrying his cross, was in no rush to be nailed to it. I was somewhere in the middle; hearing jeers from Harassees and other men, weeping from women pleading for his release and hungry, tired children, who didn’t want to be there at all.
Though there was hardly any room for a passing lane, a man running towards us attempted to do just that. Late for dinner I suspect. But the Harassees denied him safe passage and demanded that he carry Jesus’ cross back up Skull hill, as he had collapsed under its weight and didn’t have the energy to rise without help. If there was anyone who deserved to carry a cross, this cross, it was me. I could feel a tear running down my cheek because I could not give him the help he needed. He was taking my place, after all.
I was shell-shocked at the recent events. Two hours ago, I was expecting to die at any time. Instead, I am here, watching a complete stranger take my place and die instead. I began to connect the stories Matt had told me the other day and those of crying women behind me. They seemed to make sense somehow. “If this man had done all these good things, why is this happening to him? If I had done all of these bad things, why is this happening to me?”

The Quiet Christ – Part 3

After he was nailed up, I sat down behind the Harassees with my two friends who were in the crowd after all. Those who had crucified him started to throw dice for the clothes of the three criminals on the three crosses. Jesus, the quiet one, was in the middle and most of the relentless attention, scoffing and mocking was directed at him. But he said nothing! If they hadn’t yet done enough to scorn this man, someone wrote a sign that labeled his crime: “King of the Jews”. Gee, that sounds familiar. I didn’t know Harod’s title was a crime? The Harassees said that we should just leave him alone, so Judas, Matt and I sat behind them, hoping to receive some of the warmth from the fire they had made.
If you haven’t seen a crucifixion, they are long, ugly and tiring. Like a prison sentence where the goal is simply to ‘do the time,’ the responsibility of a crucified man is both to ‘do the time’ and ‘bear the pain.’ I hate the idea of doing both.
In addition, though it was mid afternoon, this crucifixion took place in the dark. Soon after the Harassees lit their fire, the heavenly lights went out and the only source of light and warmth was those quickly quenching flames. Needless to say, with no light, nothing to do, and little to talk about, we all fell asleep.
Some time later, we awoke. The fire had long gone out, the game of dice had ended because of the darkness, and those Harassees had gone. Others had come to take their place, but only a few people still remained.
As we leaned against each other, talking, rubbing our hands together to keep warm, nodding in and out of sleep, none of us were thinking about work. We were all thinking about how an innocent man could receive a sentence he did not deserve. Judas, Matt or myself would have been ideal candidates, but this man? I know I am supposed to be a cold blooded, hardened criminal, but in spite of the cold around me, I began to sense warmth that I had never felt before, and somehow it seemed to come from this quiet one.
He remained that way for hours, refusing to answer the ridicules he received from all sides. But if someone mentioned something important, he did his best to answer their comments. For instance, at about two o’clock, one of the criminals asked:
Right criminal – “What are you doing here? I’m here for a good reason. I stole, killed, molested. But you? You just gave. Please remember me when you enter your kingdom. I’ll always remember you.”
Than I heard him speak for the first time.
Jesus – “Don’t worry. You’ll do more than remember me. You’ll be with me.”
How can he be so comforting when he is so uncomfortable? Does he know something that no one else knows? I guess he really must have friends in high places. And what was that about a ‘kingdom’? Really? You mean this title ‘King of the Jews” is more than just a cruel joke?
Though we continued to sit with our backs to each other, me watching the cross, and my friends watching the many passers by along the road, my friends began to be more and more interested whenever the quiet one spoke. The criminals, however, were constantly talking, making verbal jabs at each other, the passers by, and especially at him.
Right criminal - “Who do you think you are? If you are the Son of God, do something Godly. Dying on a cross certainly isn’t Godly!”
Left criminal - “So, you are the King of the Jews, are you. Well, I’m a Jew, and you are definitely not my king.”
Even the Harassees acted like children, making faces ridiculing this helpless man and chanting: “Nah, Nah Nah Boo Boo, you can’t catch me!”
But the quiet one was the man of the hour. He just took it. And some how he let their comments slide like water off a duck’s back. His mind was truly in another place, and nothing could be said or done to bring it back.
As time passed, the criminals became more and more anxious and, if you can believe it, he became more and more ‘comfortable’. The clincher for me was hearing him say
Jesus – “God, forgive them, they just don’t get it.”
Though I haven’t experienced it, I can imagine that time passes even more slowly when you are the one under pressure, or in this case, under pain. The next time he spoke, it was almost three, and he was obviously reaching the end of his endurance.
Jesus – “God! God!” he shouted, “Where are you? Why have you left me?”
And minutes later, he gave one last gasp, and said:
Jesus – “God, please take my spirit. It’s done!”
And with that, bowing his head, he died.
Immediately after his words, an earth quake that no one in Jerusalem has ever felt before or since shook the ground violently. The criminals on the crosses convulsed, while claps of thunder sounded and forks of lightening could be seen from one horizon to the other. I immediately leaned forward, bringing my knees to my chest burying my nails into my legs, closed my eyes as tight as I could, and shouted a prayer of some sort. I have no idea what I said. We were all crying out of fear.
Once the earth quake and the freak storm subsided, I heard someone close by say, “He surely must have been the son of God!”
Though you may have thought the earth quake was enough to kill them, the other criminals stayed alive until the guards broke their legs, bringing death to a quick completion. And until then, they had no one to poke fun at anymore.
Finally, the sky began to lighten. It was now just past three in the afternoon and I could make out the faces of my companions. Judas’ mouth gaped open as he stared at the dead man, still hanging from the middle cross.
Judas – “Wow, What a death! I’m glad we got to watch that one!”
Matt shrugged and began to walk away, “there will be more of those. I just hope it’s not my crucifixion people watch. If this man was Yahweh’s son, he surely could have done something to prevent it.”
Me? I was just perplexed. Speechless and in awe of this man who had more guts than I ever could. As hard as I tried, I couldn’t stop myself from weeping, because of grief, thankfulness and exhaustion. I hadn’t cried in many years and though, on previous occasions, I would have worked hard not to be emotional in front of my friends, I had no concern about what they may think of me at this particular moment. It was just me and this man. He was my only thought. What could I possibly do to thank him? Even though I didn’t know him, how could I honor his memory?
These were some of the questions I asked myself over the next few days, months, and years. These were the questions I had about this man, “The quiet Christ”

Truly He taught us to love one another,
His law is love and His gospel is peace.
Chains he shall break, for the slave is our brother.
And in his name all oppression shall cease.
Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,
With all our hearts we praise His holy name.
Christ is the Lord! Then ever, ever praise we,
His power and glory ever more proclaim!
His power and glory ever more proclaim!

Placide Cappeau de Roquemaure (1847)

Hide & Seek . . . Seek & Find?

Today, as I took the bus home, a one year old boy began playing a game of hide and seek with me. He had a contagious smile on his face and a giggle that made my anxious heart glad. Playing hide and seek on a bus is difficult because once you are found; there is no way to run and hide again.
Jesus Christ is an excellent player of Hide and Seek. Yet, like playing it on a bus, if we read the Bible, Jesus makes it easy for himself to be found. Several times in the gospels, Jesus tells his disciples beforehand where he will be hiding.
John 14 is the hiding place for many of these verses.
“I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going.” (John 14:2-4).
Yet, in spite of His hints, the disciples don’t understand.
“Thomas said to him, ‘Lord, we don't know where you are going, so how can we know the way?’ Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” (John 14:5-6).
On Easter Sunday, Christians celebrate the end to the greatest game of hide and seek the world has ever seen. Luke 24 tells the story of two women named Mary who intend on finding and morning for their dead King, who was crucified two days previous. But instead the game continues. Verses 5-8, say:
”[The angels said to them] ‘Why do you look for the living among the dead? He is not here; he has risen! Remember how he told you, while he was still with you in Galilee: 'The Son of Man must be delivered into the hands of sinful men, be crucified and on the third day be raised again.' Then they remembered his words.’” (Luke 24: 5-8)
Only at this time did they understand. For the two Marys, the game ended and their faith in Jesus Christ began.
People often say that Jesus does not exist because he does not make himself known. If you do not read about Him in the Bible, I can understand why you believe this. But if you read the Bible, Jesus can be one of the easiest people to find, because he wants to be discovered. Have you found him?