"Lord Jesus Crucified"

Today is the beginning of Holy Week. Soon we will celebrate the death of our Lord Jesus Christ, looking forward with anticipation to Resurrection Sunday morning.

As I think about Christ’s last week before the cross, Fr. Richard Roar’s prayer, found in his lecture series “On Transformation”, has become quite poignant and revealing to me.

I would encourage you to pour yourself a cup of tea, sit down and read this slowly and thoughtfully. May it draw you, just a little bit closer, into the wonder of Christ and His Passion, which we celebrate this week.

The crucified Jesus speaking:

My people, I am yourself,

I am your beauty,

I am your goodness,

which you are destroying.

I am what you do to what you should love.

I am what you are afraid of;

your deepest, and your best and most naked self, your soul.

Your badness largely consists in what you do to goodness,

your own and others. And that is bad.

You are afraid of the Good, you are afraid of Me.

You kill what you should love; you hate what could transform you.

I am Jesus crucified. I am yourself, and I am all of human history.

Speaking to the crucified Christ:

Lord Jesus crucified,

You are my life, and you are also my death.

You are my beauty, you are my possibility.

You are my full self.

You are everything I want and you are everything I am afraid of.

You are everything I desire and you are everything I deny.

You are my outrageously ignored and neglected soul.

Lord Jesus, Your love is what I most fear.

I can’t let anybody love me for nothing.

Intimacy with You or anyone terrifies me.

I am beginning to see,

that I in my own body am an image of what is happening everywhere,

and I want it to stop here today.

I want to stop the violence toward myself,

toward the world,

toward You, crucified Lord.

I don’t need, ever again, to create any victims.

You alone, Lord Jesus, You refuse to be crucifier,

even at the cost of being crucified.

And You never ask for sympathy.

You never play the victim.

You never ask for vengeance.

But you only breathe forgiveness.

We, we in this fearful earth,

The rest of us, we murder, we mistrust, we attack.

Now I see that it is not You that humanity hates.

We hate ourselves, but mistakenly kill you.

I must stop crucifying your blessed flesh

on this earth and in my brothers and sisters.

Now I see that You live in me and I live in You.

You are inviting me out of this endless cycle of allusion

and violence.

You are Jesus crucified.

You are saving me.

In your perfect Godly love,

you have chosen to enter into union with me.

I thank You Lord Jesus for becoming a human being.

so I don’t have to pretend or try to be a god.

I thank You Lord Jesus for becoming finite and limited,

so I don’t have to pretend that I am infinite and limitless.

I thank You crucified God for becoming mortal,

so I don’t have to make myself immortal.

I thank You Lord Jesus for becoming inferior,

so I do not have to pretend that I am superior to anyone.

I thank You for being crucified outside the walls,

for being expelled and excluded like the sinners,

so I don’t have to be a saint.

I thank You for becoming week,

so I don’t have to be strong.

I thank You for being willing, to being considered imperfect and strange,

so I do not have to be perfect and normal.

I thank You Lord Jesus for being willing to be disapproved,

so I do not have to try so hard to be approved and liked.

I thank You for being considered a failure,

so I don’t have to give my life trying to pretend I am a success.

I thank You for being wrong by the standards of religion and state,

so I don’t have to be right anywhere.

I thank You for being poor in every way,

so I don’t have to be rich in any way.

I thank You Lord Jesus for being all of the things that humanity despises and fears,

so I can love myself and others in You.

So I can love in You, who by Your humanity have identified Yourself with me,

at that very point where I most hate myself.

Crucified Jesus, I thank you for becoming a human being.

I want to love You. I need to love You.

Lord Jesus crucified,

You and I,

We are the same!

"Pedal"

At first I saw God as my observer, my judge, keeping track of the things I did wrong, so as to know whether I merited heaven or hell when I die. He was out there sort of like a president. I recognized His picture when I saw it, but I really didn't know Him. But later on, when I met God, it seemed as though life was rather like a bike ride, but it was a tandem bike, and I noticed that God was in the back, helping me pedal.

I don't know when it was that He suggested that we change places, but life has not been the same since. When I had control, I knew the way. It was rather boring, but predictable... It was the shortest distance between two points. But when He took the lead, He knew delightful long cuts, up mountains, and through rocky places at breakneck speeds. It was all I could do to hang on! Even though it looked like madness, He said, "Pedal."

I worried and was anxious and asked, "Where are you taking me?" He laughed and didn't answer, and I started to learn to trust. I forgot my boring life and entered into the adventure. And when I'd say, "I'm scared," He'd lean back and touch my hand.

He took me to people who gave me gifts that I needed, gifts of healing, acceptance and joy. I wanted to stay where I was for at least a little while, but as soon as we arrived, we were off again. He said, "Give the gifts away; they're extra baggage, too much weight." So I did, to the people we met, and I found that in giving I received, and still our burden was light.

I did not trust Him, at first, in control of my life. I thought He'd wreck it; but He knows bike secrets, knows how to make it bend to take sharp corners, knows how to jump, to clear high rocks, knows how to fly to shorten scary passages. I am learning to shut up and pedal in the strangest places. I'm beginning to enjoy the view and the cool breeze on my face, with God as my delightful constant companion. And when I'm sure I just can't do anymore, He just smiles and says,

"Pedal"

How do you steal from a giant?

In the classic fairy tale “Jack and the Beanstalk”, Jack is a young lad living with his widowed mother. Their only means of income is a cow. When this cow stops giving milk Jack is sent to the market to sell it. On the way, he meets an old man who offers to give him "magic" beans in exchange for the cow. Jack takes the beans but when he arrives home with no money and no cow, his mother gets angry and throws the beans out the window, sending him to bed without supper.

As Jack sleeps, the beans grow into a gigantic beanstalk. The next day, Jack climbs it and arrives in a land high up in the sky. There he follows a road to the home of an ogre. He enters the house and asks the ogre's wife for food. She complies, but the ogre appears and senses that a human is nearby:

“Fee-fi-fo-fum,” chants the ogre, “I smell the blood of an Englishman. Be he alive, or be he dead I'll have his bones to grind my bread!”

Jack is hidden by the ogre's wife, overhears him counting his money, and bravely steals a bag of gold coins as he makes his escape down the beanstalk. Jack repeats his journey two more times, each time he is helped by the increasingly suspicious ogress and narrowly escapes with one of her husband’s treasures.

During Jack’s third venture, he wakes the ogre up from his afternoon nap and the chase is on. Jack is almost caught, but chops the beanstalk down before his pursuer reaches the ground, killing the ogre. Jack and his mother then live happily ever after with their new riches.

Jack and his mother were probably not people of faith. But his mother’s questions: “What do we need to do to get money?” and “Why doesn’t God answer my prayer?” are answered by Jesus anyway. In John 9:3, Jesus answers the question of why prayers may or may not be answered. In Luke 18, He reminds us ‘how’ the simple intricacies of prayer work and in Luke 11, He tells us ‘what’ we need to do so God might work on our behalf. If Jack and his mother were asking any questions of God, it was this third one. All three of these questions have been addressed elsewhere (see “Why do Bad things happen to Good People?”, “Miracle on Fox Street” and “We’ve Got to Pray Just to Make it Today!”). Here we will focus on the question which Jack and his mother were asking. “How do I steal from a giant?”

In short, the answer is persistence. We may conclude: “if I see the giant once, I don’t want to see him again. He freaks me out!” and persistence is the last thing on our minds. I am sure that when Jack first saw the enormous house in front of him, he wondered why he climbed the bean stock in the first place. But his need for food was so great that he was determined to press on, rather than make his way, slowly and sheepishly back to his angry mother.

But in Luke 11, Jesus tells the story of a man who goes to his friend at midnight and, like Jack, asks for bread. Here the stories change, but the lesson is the same. In Jesus’ story, the man continues to knock on the door which remains shut. The only response he hears is a voice saying “Go away!” In Jack’s situation, though I am sure he was shaking in his shoes, the words of the ogress are kind. In Luke 11, we don’t know what the persistent knocker said to those on the inside, But Jesus says: “though he will not get up and give you the bread because of friendship, it is because of your shameless audacity that he will surely get up and give you as much as you need.” (Luke 11:8) In the same way, the only way that Jack got what he got was by pleading, persisting and stealing.

Therefore, “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door (however big it is) will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.” (Luke 11:9-10)

Cleaning the Crap from your Conscience – What I am adding for Lent

Two weeks ago, I awoke early in the morning, anxious over several problems which I had little to no control over. I tossed and turned, untucking the covers as I went, hoping to find a position comfortable enough to sleep in. I may have turned a light on to clean the cobwebs in my mind, or open my laptop to distract me from my concerns. However, after I turned the light off and closed my laptop, I realized that the answer to my problem was right under my nose.

Windows users like me know that tossing documents, music or entire programs in the recycle bin and emptying it is a good way to clean their computers of un-needed junk. But about a year ago, Dad introduced me to a great little program called CCleaner, otherwise known as Crap Cleaner. The cycle may last a little while, but after the program does its work, the crap on your computer should be gone. But how do you do that in your life?

While I lay there, still wide awake, I decided to forget about sleeping and instead start thinking about God. But because I couldn’t forget about my frustrations, I began to wonder, “God, what can you do with them?” I slowly started to label my anxieties that were keeping me awake and giving them to God. One after another:

1) Work

a.

b.

2) Roommate

a.

b.

3) Relationships I hoped to begin

a.

b.

4) Relationships I hoped to change

a.

b.

I labelled people, places, conversations and confessions by name until I felt the list was long enough for one night. Then, the words to an old Sunday school song “Cast your burdens unto Jesus for He cares for you,” which is also found in 1 Peter 5:7, floated into my mind. Instead of staying awake, dwelling on those issues, which were now neatly listed, I decided to do just that. Slowly, I opened my clenched fists and said “God, you may give these concerns back to me in the morning, but would you please take them right now so I can sleep.” I then closed my eyes and the rest is history.

The impact of that prayer was immediate and lasting. Not only was my night’s sleep better than any sleeping pill, with no dreams and no concerns, the next day was even better because the concerns I had listed did not come back. As the day, the week, and the month progressed, other concerns took their place and it soon became time to do it all over again.

At around this time of year, Christians wonder what they should ‘give’ up for lent? Instead of doing this, I want to ‘pick’ up something that might make my walk with God even better. By picking up a practice like this, I hope to learn that I am letting go of my worries and regularly emptying the recycle bin of my mind.

GOOD – GOD = O

On the morning of my seventh birthday, I crept up stairs and was delighted when I saw a bright yellow bike in the middle of the living room floor. For days afterwards, dad and I would take the bike over to the schoolyard next door, and he would run along beside me as I learned to ride my four wheeled bike. There was no chance I would fall, but I wanted him to share in my excitement.

Not all of my future rides were at the school, nor was dad always running along beside me. However, when it came time for him to take my training wheels off, there he was, back at the school, holding on to me and my bike as I tottered back and forth, working on gaining my balance. As I gained speed and confidence, dad would let go of my handle bars and all would be well until I had to slow down at the end of the gravel field, totter again and either crash or get caught by my dad’s waiting arms.

Years later at camp, I decided to learn archery and, like the other campers with me, try to hit the bulls-eye and be rewarded with a can of Coke. As I was learning, my councillor stood behind me, holding the bow and string along with me so that I would know the right technique. As we pulled the string back, I was concerned that I would elbow him in the face, but when we both let go of the arrow, I was amazed how fast that arrow flew. Though it never hit the bulls-eye, at least it hit the large Styrofoam target!

Nobody needed to remind me how to ride a bike because I loved it so much. However, after a year without shooting arrows, I went back to camp and needed to learn the basics of archery all over again.

As Jesus said in Mark 10 “No one is good—except God alone.” If we repeat this fact to ourselves enough, and see examples of his goodness, like bike riding, soon enough we will understand this to be true and not need anyone to remind us. However, if we look for something else to believe in rather than God, we will also find something else that is not Good. And if we only love God in the summer time, forgetting about Him when school starts up again, like my experience with archery, we will never become good at this art.

Is loving God an art you want to perfect? Or are you satisfied with bumping into Him annually at summer camp, at a Christmas and Easter service, or at weddings and funerals? Because if God is not what makes you Good, you are left with nothing.

Song 1-23-12

King David is famous for writing down his prayers. If he didn’t, we would not know how to pray. But did you know that fifty-six other authors wrote their own personal prayers which ended up in the Bible? Just as each psalm is different, each author provides a different slant to how they see and experience the work of God in their lives.

The following prayer is how I saw God work in my life this past week. And I learned again that writing down my prayers rather than just saying and then forgetting them is a practice well worth repeating.

Just as the psalms show us a plethora of emotions, none of our feelings make us unfit to approach God. Like keeping a diary, writing down your prayers is an act I encourage heartily. But if you can’t do that yet, start by reading Psalms and let them be your prayer. That’s what they are there for!

God, why is it that You raise my hopes,

Only to dash them against the rocks?

Why is it that You get me excited about life,

And then it slips through my fingers?

You made me this way.

You knew exactly what You were doing.

But like a child with a dog, You play ‘keep away’

You are playing this game with my heart,

with the things I desire most.

You say, “Here is your opportunity!”

only to change Your mind a millisecond later!

God, You are the reason why I live.

You were healing me before and after I left my mother’s womb

And I will never stop praising You because my gratitude to You is immense!

But why are You making things so hard?

You say “it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle

Than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.”

But is it also easier for a camel to take this same passage

Than for a man who tries to do right to be satisfied?

I am making mistakes left, right and centre

and You do not notice.

If You do, You sit in Heaven and laugh.

You say, ”Oh, he fell. He messed up!”

Why is it that You do this?

God, I don’t know what to do!

I don’t know how to live!

Teach me how!

Lord Jesus, be magnified in the opportunities I miss.

May Your power be magnified in the balls I drop.

They are not mistakes I make

more than they are mistakes You make.

You created me and knew exactly what You were doing.

And You were pleased.

The mistakes I make, are You pleased with them?

Do You want me to continue in my fumbling ways?

They drive me nuts, but if they praise You than by all means!

I desire to praise You because that is true life.

You have made my hands frail

so that what I drop, You can catch.

Catch me! Catch the ones I care about!

And may You be honoured by my fumbling ways.

Daring God

Two times in the gospel of Matthew (Matt 3:17, 17:5) and twice in the Gospel of Mark (Mk 1:11, 9:7) we hear about God’s pleasure with His Son Jesus Christ. “It’s easy to love Jesus,” we might think, “he was perfect after all!” We may conclude: “God loved Jesus that much because He was with Him since the beginning of time, therefore they have a very strong relationship.” Or “God loves Jesus so much because God knew that Jesus was 100% obedient to his every beckon call. How could you not love a son like that?”

The next time you ask these questions, I challenge you to dare God. Ask Him something like this: “God, I’m harder to love. I dare you to love me like that. I’m not that Holy you know!” Talk to Him about the things that make you both lovable and loathable, a Superman and a sissy and listen to his response.

Next, take those verses and make a slight change to each one. Each of them says something like this: ”This is my son, whom I love very much. I couldn’t be happier with Him.” For this exercise, I encourage you to paraphrase the Bible slightly so it says something like this: “I am your son / daughter; whom you love very much, you couldn’t be happier with me.” Then put these words on repeat in your mind as you go through your day and see how you feel at the end.

I can hear you objecting: “I thought Christ’s purity and Godliness was what set Him apart from the rest of mankind. God could love Him because Jesus could hold His side of the bargain. But I can’t. So therefore, I can’t talk to God like that.”

And you’re right, he is the only one who can do this. But He is willing to hold up your side of the bargain as well.

The question is: do you want Him too? He will accept your dare!